Rules of BOOK CLUB

1st RULE

You do not talk about BOOK CLUB.

2nd RULE

You DO NOT talk about BOOK CLUB.

3rd RULE

If someone says “stop” or goes limp, taps out, squeals, whimpers, mutters the words “skipped to the last page,” the discussion is over.

4th RULE

Only two  to a fight. Unless, of course, said fight  has anything to do with a banned book or British Literature; then it’s open season.

5th RULE

One fight at a time, especially for newbies and the English Majors of the group. You know how you are, it’s over. Also, see above.

6th RULE

No shirts, no shoes, no Spark Notes, no Wikipedia print outs, no movies. No exceptions.

7th RULE

Discussions will go on as long as they have to in spite of societal nonsense such as “closing times,” “curfews,” “noise ordinances,” “public indecency” “intent to incite (riot or otherwise)” and of course “rules of the joust.”

8th RULE

If this is your first time at BOOK CLUB, you HAVE to talk. Grunting, pointing, giggling, groaning, muttering, staring glazed-eyed and mouth agaped, shaking violently, openly weeping, swearing through clenched teeth, vomiting, and flailing like you’re a baboon on fire is, are, and always will be, unacceptable.

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